Hair...

Going through this cancer I was told that I would be losing my hair. My doctor said within two weeks of starting chemo that I would probably want to shave it off. Well she was right. My hair started falling out pretty fast. Then once I colored it, I felt like it started to fall out even more.Not only was it annoying to have my hair shed all over me, but It was so depressing when it got to the point to where my hair would come out in globs everytime I touched it. It was then that I knew I had to shave my head sooner or later.     

On Saturday the 25th of August I had a head shaving BBQ at my parents house with close friends and family. There was alot of mixed feelings for me that night, because I knew that I would eventually be shaving all my hair off. I was suprised by some of my nephews and one of my brothers. They showed their support by coloring their hair some of the colors that were in my hair, before I had to shave it off. Then later that night they also ended up shaving their heads. My nephew Josh told some of my friends "I colored my hair because I am kinda, sorta supporting my Aunt Kathryn." I got a good laugh out of that.

After we all ate, it was time to shave my head. My sister- in- law grabbed a chair and I went over and sat down. It wasn't until I looked up that I realized how many eyes were on me. It kind of took me back for a second. I thought, maybe I don't want this many people watching me shave my head, but deep down I knew that the people that were there watching, are people that love and support me the most. I decided to do some things with my hair before I shaved it all off. First I did a Mullet, then I did a Mohawk with steps in it. For me it made the situation a little lighter and I also got to see what I would look like with those classy hairdos.

 

The hard part finally came.... shaving all my hair off. There were some points and times when my head was being shaved that I thought, This isn't that bad. Then there was parts where I was choking back the tears, telling myself not to cry. It was hard not to cry especially when my sister was sitting right in front of me crying the whole time my hair was coming off. There were others that were emotional and some that couldn't even watch. My husband didn't even come out til it was all over and thats when I really lost it. There was lots of mixed emotions that night especially for me. As of today I still get a little emotional about not having any hair, but I know that this is going to take some time getting used too. It's weird looking into a mirror and remembering that you have no hair. I now also know what it feels like to have your head rubbed when it shaved. It feels way good!

 

 

Other than that I am feeling much better then I expected with this second round of chemo. I know the lord is watching over me and blessing me every step of the way. I feel like some of the hardest parts are over, but I know there will be more struggles to come.



One Day At a Time.

I had my 2nd round of chemo two days ago. I am actually feeling better then I expected. Which is such a blessing. The thing that I hate the most about chemo is that your taste buds change. For example, water tastes like metal. Chocolate is so gross. It's so depressing when neighbors or friends drop off treats and they have chocolate in them, because I know it wont taste good to me. So I let the people in my family enjoy them. Over all it's the thought that counts and I have been so grateful for those who have taken the time to drop something off or come visit. Just my taste buds drive me nuts at this time cause I am still figuring out what tastes good and what doesn't. I currently love garden tomatoes and fresh fruit. Their flavor stays pretty much the same, but everything else that I eat is trial and error. I never know if it's food that I will have to force myself to eat or if it is something that I am actually going to enjoy eating. Just the whole taste budd thing gets old really fast.

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I will be shaving all the hair off of my head. To be honest I have mixed feelings about it, because having hair is such a feminine, womanly thing and to not have it, well... would make any woman feel less of herself. Minus the women that naturally look beautiful bald. I know that shaving my head is going to be a little bit of a self confidence breaker, but i will just have to get used to it. On the other hand, my hair is shedding like crazy. It is so depressing when I do my hair, because of how much hair falls out just by brushing it. I really hate the fact that I am losing my hair, but I have no control over it and it will all fall out eventually. Most of it has. It also gets annoying having to deal with how much it sheds. So might as well get it out of the way and shave it off so I don't have to worry about it. People always try and make me feel better by saying, Don't worry about it,  your hair will eventually grow back. I know it will, but it takes time, and I also think in my head, your not the girl that has to shave it, So it's easier for you to say don't worry, when I know this experience is going to affect me in one way or another. On a happier note. I think I am really going to miss my hair being all these colors. Its been fun. It will be sad to see them go.

Overall things right now are good. This 2nd round has gone much better than the first. I just hope that it stays that way til my next round. Also, a lot of people have told me they don't want to call or visit because they think I am being bombarded by a lot of people. I just want to let you know I am not. I love getting visitors and seeing some of you that I haven't in a long time. I just never know how I am going to feel from day to day. Just let me know when you want to come visit and I will let you know my status. Thanks again for all the love and support. Love you all.   

Surgery + Chemo round 2

Yesterday I had a portacath surgically placed in my chest. The port is for making it easier for me to get chemo. The surgery went fine. The doctors didn't totally knock me out. I actually remember most of the surgery. I wasn't in pain or anything just kinda floated in and out during surgery. I was kinda mad because during the surgery I realized that the actual doctor wasn't doing the surgery, the resident doctor was that one that was doing the procedure. I was a little upset that they didn't ask me before hand if that was ok. It was kinda funny though listening to some of their conversations while I was in surgery. I heard the doctor guiding the resident on something and he said "Now remember not to do such and such because she is skinnier than the last guy. He was reeaally BIG." Ha ha. Poor big guy that went before me.
I came out of surgery fine. A couple of other things that made me mad was that we checked into the hospital and the nurse told us that the doctor was 2 hours behind on his surgeries! So I sat in this little surgical prep room for 2 whole extra hours that I didn't need to be there! So annoying! If a surgeon is that behind I think the hospital should call you and be able to tell you whats going on and tell you to come into the hospital later. Then I got home and everything was good until about 930pm I looked down at my port, and the gauze that was covering it was 3/4ths full of blood. So I thought great one thing after another. So we called the hospital to talk to a doctor to see what I needed to do. I called 3 times over a 3 hour time period until I finally talked to a doctor! 3 hours! So it was midnight by the time I talked to a doctor. That was a frustrating experience for sure. Turns out that it was just extra blood that was oozing from the site. The doctor told me to just change the gauze and put a new one on and if it continued bleeding to call back. So my mom got to play doctor and she fixed me up. I haven't had bleeding since. So I was blessed not to have to go back to the hospital and that it wasn't something that was a huge deal.
I also just got my second round of chemo today. As of now I am still feeling good, but I guess it takes a day or two for you to start feeling really crappy. So we will see what happens. Although my oncology doctor was really pleased with my cell counts and how things are looking. She was super positive about everything and that things are headed in the right direction. That is always nice to hear. Over all things are good. Thanks to all who have been so supporting, not only to me, but also my family. I will say this again and again we are truly blessed! Thank you for the prayers on my behalf. It gives me strength every day, because I can feel those prayers! So keep them coming cause that is what we need the most!

For the first time.



 Yesterday for the first time I colored my hair purple, teal, fuschia, red, and a little bit of blue. I figured why not have a little fun with my hair before I have to shave it all off? My sister-in-law Shellie was the one that did my 'Mixed Berry Kool-Aid' hair. We had a fun time coloring it.

Today I am surgically getting a port placed in my chest so I can recieve chemo. This is the first time I have ever had to have surgery. I am a little nervous, but hopefully it wont be that bad. Then Tomorrow is the 2nd round of chemo. The doctors told me that the 2nd round of chemo wont be as rough as my first. I hope and pray they are right, because the first round had its ups and downs, but at some points it was pretty rocky for me.

Life Changes

    It's so crazy how fast things can change in life. I was living a typical life of school,work, and enjoying being newly married. Then in April 2012 I started feeling really fatigued. There were two separate times that I was grocery shopping within the month of April that I got so tired I couldn't finish shopping. I was also experiencing problems with feeling uncomfortable after I would eat a meal, big or small. It was then I knew something was wrong.
    I made an appointment to go see my primary doctor. When I went in he took some blood tests. It turned out that my monocytes were a little elevated and my white blood cell count was really low. My doctor told me that this was possibly Mono, but he wanted me to come in the following week to get my blood drawn again to see if there would be any changes in the results. So I went in a week later and the results were the same. So with the little information he had, he diagnosed me with Mono.
    A couple days later on April 26th Max and I left for Virginia to do summer sales. While I was in Virginia I slept a lot and tried to keep myself occupied. It wasn't until mid July that I got really sick. I started having a shortness of breath that would come and go, which followed along with a cough that I had for a week that wouldn't go away. So Max and I decided that we needed to go to an insta-care to see a doctor.
    It was July 25th when Max and I went into the insta-care. At the insta-care they had me get a chest x-ray. The chest x-ray showed that I had fluid in my lungs and that one lung was smaller than the other for some reason. They also drew my blood. After they got the blood labs back the doctor came in and she told me that my white blood cell count was extremely low. That was no new news to me. Then she continued on to say that I am anemic, which means that my red blood cell count is low. Then she expressed her concern about how enlarged my spleen and liver were just by feeling my stomach. She then said "I don't mean to scare you guys, but you guys need to go to the hospital."
    Max and I left the insta-care and checked into the ER at a hospital in Virginia on July 26th. After the hospital had ran a bunch of tests, later that night the ER doctor came in and told us that he was hoping this was Mono but it's not. This is possibly some type of Leukemia or lymphoma and that I had never had mono. So we are going to have to check you into the hospital. Hearing that was the last thing Max and I had expected to hear. It was a definite shock.
   I was in the Virginia hospital for about a week. It was the longest week of my life. Then after that week on August 1st I officially was diagnosed with Non-Hodgens Lymphoma. Through some miracles I was able to come home to Utah to get treated. I had my first chemo treatment Friday August 3rd with 5 more chemo treatments to go.
    Thus far, through out this whole experience, I have never felt the spirit so strong in my life. I am so glad I have the gospel to fall back on. I am so thankful for the many prayers and fasting on my behalf. I also have received so much love and support from close friends to people I don't even know. I truly am so richly blessed. This is just a bump in the road that I will have to get through, but this experience will change my life for the better.